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Trader Joe’s Snubs Empty Bartell Drugs Site Over “Too Much Parking”

Residents across the Upper Snoqualmie Valley are crushingly disappointed as news has broken that beloved grocer Trader Joe’s has officially passed on the vacant Bartell Drugs location. The reason? The parking lot is just too big. In a statement released via eco-friendly messenger pigeon, Trader Joe’s spokesperson Ivy Green-Cartwright explained the company’s aversion to ample parking. “Trader Joe’s has always prioritized curated inconvenience. A parking lot that allows for fluid entry and exit simply undermines our entire brand philosophy,” Green wrote, adding, “We want our shoppers to earn their frozen mandarin orange chicken.” “I was initially hopeful,” said local resident and frozen cauliflower gnocchi enthusiast Kelsey Martinfink. “It had all the must-haves: a quirky, vacant storefront and a loading dock that screamed ‘we repurpose shipping pallets.’ I even practiced parking between two Subaru Outbacks in the QFC parking lot in anticipation. But in the end, I guess the parking lot w...

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